Fiancee has epilepsy... need advice and hope

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Hi! I'm kind of new to the whole epilepsy world. My fiancee has had seizures for the last 5 almost 6 years. He went for nearly 2 years without them, but then had a couple in the last year. I feel overwhelmed as I have my own health challenges, but I love him and want to learn how to better support him without draining myself. So, how do i support him? Is there any hope for things to get better? Is being grumpy and pessimistic normal? Those with epilepsy, what is it you wish your partners knew? Those whose spouses have epilepsy, what are some tricks/ tips you have for me?

Comments

So it's great that you are

Submitted by Jazz101 on Wed, 2019-03-06 - 19:46

So it's great that you are asking questions of both sides. The average person with Epilepsy wants to make sure their spouse is not too overprotective. For example, let's say I am not taking my medication then you have every right to be annoyed with me. After all, meds are a must do. But let's say you overly protective, meaning in some areas that might not necessarily be "don'ts" for me, then that can be annoying to the individual with Epilepsy.Another thing, if you have concerns about what fits the criteria of "dos" and what is more in the area of "don'ts" then feel free to have a conversation with him and with the neurologist about it. There are areas where anyone (the person who doesn't have Epilepsy) can be too protective. And that would also take a toll on both of you. In terms of what you should know about Epilepsy. It's just another neurological condition. Sure it can look scary but it isn't as scary as it may look. It's just that during a seizure the brain in also involved in countering the seizure. As a result, it can result in the person being a bit confused after the seizure.My advice to you is speak with the neurologist. Describe the seizures and find out what you should and shouldn't be too concerned about. In my case a seizure is really me not being fully aware. But it doesn't interfere with my ability to do certain basic things, such as walking down the stairs etc. Or if I am on the street I would never cross the road if the sign is "don't walk." Some my seizures, is more about losing my awareness, not my functions, such as walking etc.But every seizures differ so speak with the neurologist about his and what they are like and where your concerns should be. Concern number 1 is that he is taking his meds as prescribed. And also that he isn't going to drink alcohol as we normally know it. What will better help is something you said breeperx. You said you have your own health issues. Ask yourself how you would want someone to deal with you given your health issue if you know you are dong your best to manage it. It's the same with Epilepsy. I'll be the first to tell you to make sure he is taking his meds as prescribed. If he is doing do then that's one less something to worry about.You know him so you have a better idea of where and what your primary concerns are. Ponder those concerns and assess which are legitimate and which might be a bet overblown and his probably getting the best of you. The trick is balancing your concerns and your fear. If fear gets the best of anyone it can really do a job on us. So start there.One more thing. As you can tell I am a guy. We only act tough at times, but we do listen because ask any guy where he got and gets a good bit of his wisdom and he'll tell you it is from the lady he cares about. So we may act a bit tough at times. But unless we get in the habit of really doing it daily, well, rule it out as just a touch of the nonsensical guy thing that comes with us. :)I'll leave you with a great story to read that proves what I just said. Ironically, it was by a writer who was undergoing a functional MRI. He doesn't have Epilepsy, he was just doing a story about the functional MRI and he found out a host of things about even his bad habit of not listening. You'll like the story because it has a lot of humor. Here is the link. it will show you so much about the brain. It will also make you laugh when he went to tell his wife what the tests showed about his seeming "not listening."https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/07/re-thinking-jeffrey-goldberg/306869/Best Regards

So it's great that you are asking questions of both sides. The average person with Epilepsy wants to make sure their spouse is not too overprotective. For example, let's say I am not taking my medication then you have every right to be annoyed with me. After all, meds are a must do. But let's say you overly protective, meaning in some areas that might not necessarily be "don'ts" for me, then that can be annoying to the individual with Epilepsy.Another thing, if you have concerns about what fits the criteria of "dos" and what is more in the area of "don'ts" then feel free to have a conversation with him and with the neurologist about it. There are areas where anyone (the person who doesn't have Epilepsy) can be too protective. And that would also take a toll on both of you. In terms of what you should know about Epilepsy. It's just another neurological condition. Sure it can look scary but it isn't as scary as it may look. It's just that during a seizure the brain in also involved in countering the seizure. As a result, it can result in the person being a bit confused after the seizure.My advice to you is speak with the neurologist. Describe the seizures and find out what you should and shouldn't be too concerned about. In my case a seizure is really me not being fully aware. But it doesn't interfere with my ability to do certain basic things, such as walking down the stairs etc. Or if I am on the street I would never cross the road if the sign is "don't walk." Some my seizures, is more about losing my awareness, not my functions, such as walking etc.But every seizures differ so speak with the neurologist about his and what they are like and where your concerns should be. Concern number 1 is that he is taking his meds as prescribed. And also that he isn't going to drink alcohol as we normally know it. What will better help is something you said breeperx. You said you have your own health issues. Ask yourself how you would want someone to deal with you given your health issue if you know you are dong your best to manage it. It's the same with Epilepsy. I'll be the first to tell you to make sure he is taking his meds as prescribed. If he is doing do then that's one less something to worry about.You know him so you have a better idea of where and what your primary concerns are. Ponder those concerns and assess which are legitimate and which might be a bet overblown and his probably getting the best of you. The trick is balancing your concerns and your fear. If fear gets the best of anyone it can really do a job on us. So start there.One more thing. As you can tell I am a guy. We only act tough at times, but we do listen because ask any guy where he got and gets a good bit of his wisdom and he'll tell you it is from the lady he cares about. So we may act a bit tough at times. But unless we get in the habit of really doing it daily, well, rule it out as just a touch of the nonsensical guy thing that comes with us. :)I'll leave you with a great story to read that proves what I just said. Ironically, it was by a writer who was undergoing a functional MRI. He doesn't have Epilepsy, he was just doing a story about the functional MRI and he found out a host of things about even his bad habit of not listening. You'll like the story because it has a lot of humor. Here is the link. it will show you so much about the brain. It will also make you laugh when he went to tell his wife what the tests showed about his seeming "not listening."https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/07/re-thinking-jeffrey-goldberg/306869/Best Regards

So it's great that you are asking questions of both sides. The average person with Epilepsy wants to make sure their spouse is not too overprotective. For example, let's say I am not taking my medication then you have every right to be annoyed with me. After all, meds are a must do. But let's say you overly protective, meaning in some areas that might not necessarily be "don'ts" for me, then that can be annoying to the individual with Epilepsy.Another thing, if you have concerns about what fits the criteria of "dos" and what is more in the area of "don'ts" then feel free to have a conversation with him and with the neurologist about it. There are areas where anyone (the person who doesn't have Epilepsy) can be too protective. And that would also take a toll on both of you. In terms of what you should know about Epilepsy. It's just another neurological condition. Sure it can look scary but it isn't as scary as it may look. It's just that during a seizure the brain in also involved in countering the seizure. As a result, it can result in the person being a bit confused after the seizure.My advice to you is speak with the neurologist. Describe the seizures and find out what you should and shouldn't be too concerned about. In my case a seizure is really me not being fully aware. But it doesn't interfere with my ability to do certain basic things, such as walking down the stairs etc. Or if I am on the street I would never cross the road if the sign is "don't walk." Some my seizures, is more about losing my awareness, not my functions, such as walking etc.But every seizures differ so speak with the neurologist about his and what they are like and where your concerns should be. Concern number 1 is that he is taking his meds as prescribed. And also that he isn't going to drink alcohol as we normally know it. What will better help is something you said breeperx. You said you have your own health issues. Ask yourself how you would want someone to deal with you given your health issue if you know you are dong your best to manage it. It's the same with Epilepsy. I'll be the first to tell you to make sure he is taking his meds as prescribed. If he is doing do then that's one less something to worry about.You know him so you have a better idea of where and what your primary concerns are. Ponder those concerns and assess which are legitimate and which might be a bet overblown and his probably getting the best of you. The trick is balancing your concerns and your fear. If fear gets the best of anyone it can really do a job on us. So start there.One more thing. As you can tell I am a guy. We only act tough at times, but we do listen because ask any guy where he got and gets a good bit of his wisdom and he'll tell you it is from the lady he cares about. So we may act a bit tough at times. But unless we get in the habit of really doing it daily, well, rule it out as just a touch of the nonsensical guy thing that comes with us. :)I'll leave you with a great story to read that proves what I just said. Ironically, it was by a writer who was undergoing a functional MRI. He doesn't have Epilepsy, he was just doing a story about the functional MRI and he found out a host of things about even his bad habit of not listening. You'll like the story because it has a lot of humor. Here is the link. it will show you so much about the brain. It will also make you laugh when he went to tell his wife what the tests showed about his seeming "not listening."https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2008/07/re-thinking-jeffrey-goldberg/306869/Best Regards

Your situation sounds a lot

Submitted by Jennis on Sat, 2019-03-16 - 14:35

Your situation sounds a lot like mine, except my husband had no history of seizures and a month and a half after we got married, he had his first. What kind of seizures does your fiancé have?