Need to share and support

I am new here have posted a few times. I have had seizure for 36 years should be all stable and balanced right? Wrong. I feel like I am just learning who I am and what my story is really about. See my folks wanted to believe all was okay as long as I was "controlled and just taught me to say I was having syptoms and not seizures. So they taught me what worked for them and I learned real well, too well I quess! so many years I did not acknowlege the facts of what really was which was I probably was never fully medically controlled except for maybe a total of 3 years. Yet stayed on the same dose of meds for probably, 25 years. Tegretol and dilatin.So not to bore you all but I now in the last year have finally learned the real cause of my siezures, that I have intractable seizures including, simple and complex seizures. . I had to be taken off the drugs I had been on for 25 years plus as they were not working and Find over a 9 month period something that showed some control. I am now taking trileptol and Keppra but just last month had 12 seizures.this last year has been a real eye opener. Now I am feeling all sorts of feelings. Plus having to acknowledge I am not and may never be medically controlled leaving my life in a state of uncertainity. Just when Perimenapause is setting in and throwing my siezures off also. Which I feel sad and not too happy about. Hope to hear from others who might relate. Thanks for listening, via this forum