the story of my life

my story started when I was born. I had a blank spot in my brain the doctors said I would have had seizures either way. When I was 5 I was in a car accident. This car accident was really bad I ended up with a TBI and other issues. This was also when I had a seizure, they said it was probably from the accident. When I was in the hospital they had to use the defibrillator on me. I was not diagnosed with epilepsy till I was 8. they final diagnosed me after I had an hour and a half grand mal seizure. My seizures were bad I don't remember much except what I am told. One thing I do remember is waking up in the hospital with wires on my head for an 8-year-old having no clue what was happening that was terrifying. I remember how all the kids at school who I thought were my friends left me. kids started making groups that would tease me and make me feel like I was just a mistake. I remember how I was so afraid of doing things cause I could seize. there were times I wanted to do things that I was not supposed to and it crushed me. I wanted to climb the tree like any other kid. I wanted to be a kid, not this mistake that at the time people made me feel like. it was so hard, what was even harder is the fact that some of my family made me feel like I was an outcast. The thing is so many people see someone as sick and they treat us like we are from another planet. Epilepsy caused a lot of issues when I was younger.you would have thought that once I left elementary I would be treated better. Completely wrong it never went away I was a much bigger outcast. Having epilepsy caused a lot of other disorders. I ended up with anxiety depression ADD stomach disorders and asthma but I am not saying epilepsy had anything to do with asthma. With all these conditions and epilepsy the way people see me just got harder .the good thing thou most of that stated in elementary also so it was already natural for me to be an outcast. My epilepsy was getting so bad that it was killing lots of my brain cells and it was moving to my left side of my brain as well. If we didn't do anything soon it would make me very much not able to function. it was killing me. When I was 10 I had my very first brain surgery. they did open brain surgery, they took a golf ball size of my brain out. This helped I stopped having grand mal seizures. I almost went a year without a seizure and then I had one again. thankfully it was not a tonic-clonic. once I started having them again I didn't stop. I ended up having a lot of different types of seizures. I started having ones I would just fall and be completely unconscious. my doctors did a seeg on me because some of my seizures were so deep in the brain the said it would not show in an EEG. They saw what they needed to on the seeg, so we decided on a laser brain surgery.Well in this surgery things didn't go as planned. We really don't know what happened, basically, I had a medically induced stroke. I have been treated as a stroke patient since 2016. I ended up with left side paralysis, spasticity, heart arrhythmia, and an auto anomic disorder. My seizures didn't get much better. I have had to relearn how to do everything. I lost more of my independence. What I can say from going through all of this is that it has strengthened me so much. When I was younger I hated epilepsy and all the disorders I had then, I still don't like epilepsy and all the disorders I have, but I would not change it. Being teased and feeling like an outcast was horrible but know that I have grown I can so it helped me in the long run. For the longest time when I moved I thought I was a burden at church and everywhere, but they never treated me like I was. it was because that is how it was in my home town. it took me a while to not see my self as a burden. I can thank everyone in Levelland and Lubbock area for that. Whoever is reading this you are not a burden. Once I learned that when you turn what may seem like a nightmare into a blessing it will seem lighter. Now it will not take away the hard times, but it will bring you more happiness and light to your life. Being sick has brought me closer to Christ, it has shown me how this experience is helping me and a lot of other people. Being sick has taught me so many lessons. I am greatful to have the experience in my life. this has strengthened me and it has helped shape me into the young lady I am now. I can say I know it is hard to let others help, but it is ok for others to help you. I have learned that others helping is the light of Christ. I have learned I am never alone, that goes to everyone else. being sick is a blessing and not a curse. that might sound stupid, I say this because I am still here on earth. it makes me happy knowing that me being sick is helping others, and if that helps others then I am ok with it because I know that I am not alone and one day I will be healed just like everyone else. I can say that faith hope and trust help me get through this. I want everyone to know if people try to violate your rights in any way as someone with a disability stand up for your rights. epilepsy has blessed me and I hope you can see the light it may bring to you.