Epilepsy

Hello everybody! I am very concern about my life. I am 28 ys old, i found i ve got epilepsy 2 ys ago after i had an episode of blackout and urine incontinence. I ve alaways had aura so i knew something will happen. I m having seizures from 12 ys old(without thinking is a seizure because there are very short and my mom didnt think this is a seizure). I went to neurologist 2 ys ago,i took initial depakote and carbamazepine, not good,specially delakotei. And now i m taking levetiracetam 1000 twice a day and carbamazepine 300 twice a day. I still got seizures... sometimes only one seizure per month and is about menstruation, sometimes above 15 seizures per month together (arround my irregular menstruation) cause i ve also got polichistic ovaries.. i was having contraceptions before starting epilespy treatment and i dind t had any seizures that time... After i stop the contraceptives seizures came back again..starting with one seizure per year and then more often and often... but there are strange.. i could drive 2 ys ago having seizure and didnt affect my concentration at all.. that is why o dont know this is epilepsy/pseudoseizures/catamenial epilepsy? Because all doctors think is epilepsy cause when i was 6ys old i had a bad o infection, i had fever 40 grades..i was in hospital i had grand mall seizures all day ( the only time.in my life when wad grand mall), was necessary an operation( so bad the infection was), so doctors think this was the reason that cause my actual epilepsy... that infection..i m also in a bad mood for more then 10 ys so before starting my treatment .. is like before i m going to sleep i m thinking about death all time.. about kill myself.. i never tried, is just that i ve got this in my mind... and i never had treatment maybe for.depression and anxiety cause i m sure i ve got them..so many problems.. And my seizures are strange... just lips and small jerkings movies, but I can hear, i can see, i can do what i was doing before.. the only think i can t do on my seizuree is i can't talk/answer if somebody asking me something.. and this is for maximmum 1 minute.. did anybody had this experience? Thank you very much..