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Aura: Pre Ictal Fear. Any others Experience?

Thu, 04/14/2005 - 21:32
My epilepsy started out with only generalized seizures as compared to TLE's or temporal lobe epilepsy. I had a head injury from szing, injuring both sides of my head around my temporal lobes as well on my right frontal lobe. I've had an excellent recovery from all of that but was left with generalized and TLE seizures from those injuries. I mention this to state I was plunged into the world of simple partials or auras with TLEs. Before that happened I used to think, but not say, that people who "only" had simples were "lucky" but quickly changed my opinion once I started experiencing the bizarre world of TLE auras. The plunge has not been a fun swimming experience. I've read a lot of people's experiences with auras and even though I have intractable and very active epilepsy I haven't had many of the wretched sounding auras many describe. But I do have this one that actually has a name - Pre Ictal Fear or Before the seizure fear. It is SO unnerving to me...well where to go from that statement? It's unnerving but also very rarel occurrening for me, or was. Since last Friday, 4 days ago I've been plagued with the occurrence of pre ictal fear that sometimes hangs around for awhile and dissipates and sometimes leads into a secondized sz or convulsive sz. That too is unnerving - which way is this ball going to bounce.This is the way my pre ictal fear aura presents itself and from what I've read my experience is "typical" but reading a clinical description is not like reading the experiences of those who have suffered through it and that is what I'd like to know about. I've been having this blasted thing hitting me repetitively like I'm in the cross hairs of it since last Friday and it's getting very old, very unnerving, and today I'm very exhausted emotionally and physically from it. My doctor prescribed sedative type drugs which helped, then didn't, increased those, which helped, now today aren't helping. I keep thinking this siege is over, then I get another pre ictal fear aura. Anyway last Friday morning I was typing an email on my computer about something mundane, nothing else was going on to provoke this and as fast as like a lightening strike - I experienced the feeling of adrenaline rushing fear or a very sudden and strong flight or fight feeling. There's another underlying additional feeling to it too, maybe it's a feeling of impending doom. I'm not sure. I'd like to know too but I'm so overwhelmed by this inappropriately occurring feeling of panic and fear, I can't concentrate on anything else. I'm consumed by it but I am for awhile at least totally conscious, cognitively intact, able to move, but the first time it hit on Friday it continued, didn't go into a seizure then. I rarely call my doctor to report any type of sz activity any more. I dont because for just me I have emergency medicine at home orally and in injectable form that usually takes care of clustering, averts other dangerous sz activities and also because frankly I have a lot of sz activity and I'd be on the phone constantly. I've accepted sz events and to me it's just a part of my life, as opposed to being my life. There's no point to calling my doctor unless I'm clustering out of control and can't stop it or something similar. But this was so uncomfortable, I felt certain I was heading for a serious sz, very certain which increased this severe fear feeling and I was alone which also increased the feeling. I called my doctor asking for help/advice. Her nurse noted I was having difficulty talking and I noticed my cognition was intact I think but extremely slow. I would guess by the time I made that call it had lasted maybe 1/2 hour, a guess. The best way I can describe fight or flight for me are the few times in my life I have come within a hair of being in an auto accident at high rates of speed, once a semi truck jumped the medium strip and was coming straight at me and I had the fight or flight feeling then. IOW situations had all the makings of a serious auto accident sure to occur, but I escaped by a hair and after I did escape being hit, realizing I was safe, a gigantic shaking feeling of fear would overwhelm me, a huge adrenaline feeling surge, leaving me feeling shakey, heart pounding, immobilized for a few minutes. That's as close as I can describe for me fight or flight or the feelings of pre ictal fear aura.I'd like to know if anyone reading this post has experienced this coming straight out of the blue, as an aura. If you have, can you share your experiences? For instance how long it lasts, if you've had this do you tend to cluster with it as I'm doing now, do you have it infrequent in occurrence like me, does it usually lead to a secondized seizure, how do you handle this horrible feeling, or anything anyone would want to share.The first time I experienced this was about 4 years ago. I had it 3 times in one day. I would guess the aura lasted a few minutes and later I found myself on the floor. The aura had progressed into a drop sz. Then I went about 1.5 years not experiencing it again but I swear of all the epileptic "events" I've experienced this is one of the ones I remember distinctly each time I've had it and dread having another but right now I'm still having them multiple times a day and it's really worn me out. I've noticed too that although I've been posting in the last few days? I'm leaving words out, making other typing errors yet I feel cognitively intact but apparently my "record is skipping". All to say I feel cognitively intact but am I? That little personal internal question isn't pleasant either. This has also left me with a pounding migraine of which, referring to the thread I started about wanting a Purple Heart for the physical pain of having epilepsy, I was so very fortunate to receive ONE pill for this pounding relentless migraine and it was very hard for me to not tell my doctor where she could plant her one pill - but I'm getting nasty after 4 days of this and one pill is more than zero pills. But I got that ONE pill last night and this is this morning and my headache is back. I'm feeling nasty physically and in my temperament.Has anyone experienced this and if so, could you share with me your experiences? Thank you.Gretchen

Comments

RE: RE: RE: RE: Aura: Pre Ictal Fear. Any others Experience?

Submitted by Gretchen on Tue, 2005-03-15 - 01:52
OMG I laughed so hard it stirred up my ASTHMA! YES! I recently had a flirtation with dialing out on a "phone" using the TV remote control. But in this case a dirt bag of a "nurse" handed me the remote control as his sadistic joke and TOLD me - here, you can call your husband on this. I spent forevah trying to find those little holes where you talk and listen to until some teens helped me find a phone and dialed for me.However, one day during a Jamais Vu that lasted without end it seemed, I knew I needed ambulance help and spent I do not know how long trying to dial out using my computer keyboard number keys, holding the receiver of my phone. BTW that doesn't work! What was going through my mind was that I knew the computer had the phone line going through it and.....well how to explain the sz'ing mind. I was confused. Howz that.You know what really gets me? The answering machine? I don't know why that jars me so much sz'ing or no, but it does. I've turned it way down, I now even have it secluded in a muffled spot and STILL if I can't make it to a phone and answer or just don't care to answer when I see who's on the caller ID? The answering machine kicks in - and so do my jerks. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!Gretchen

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Aura: Pre Ictal Fear. Any others Experienc

Submitted by spiz on Tue, 2005-03-15 - 12:54
Gretchen, Thaaaank you! :)-Spiz

RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Aura: Pre Ictal Fear. Any others Exper

Submitted by Gretchen on Tue, 2005-03-15 - 23:53
HiI just want pity and to complain. I'm STILL having - pre ictal fear auras daily. Surely I'm running out of adrenaline! Or mind. THIS is really torture. I now feel that sudden warmth coursing through my body and the first clutches of that horrifying fear and I want to start just screaming and almost hope I DO have a seizure just to get out of it! I am NOT kidding. I am now on my SIXTH day of this. And I want some pity.Here is also what is happening. I call the doctor because every time I do feel like I'm about to have a mega sz, and every time, almost, I'm alone. Which ever doctor I got said - take an extra Klonopin. I did. It helps. NOW I've run out of Klonopin. Called in for a refill today and got a lecture of - now why did you run out of Klonopin. That IS a controlled substance. I do not think I am ever on the same page with any doctor since I have gotten epilepsy and I am getting DARN sick of it.Thank you for "listening". Gretchen

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