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Question on dating with E.
Fri, 09/29/2006 - 04:56Topic: Women With Epilepsy
My cousins down here have been texting me on my cell phone telling me that I have passed another birthday and I should get a boyfriend now and get married. But, here's my question.....how do you trust a man to date when you have epilepsy? It's not so simple for me to just find a man down here in the Philippines and start dating. Maybe in romance novels it could work, but there's just so many issues for me to overcome.
Besides that's a big responsibility on a man to take when he hears about E. I don't want to see the reaction like I have before when I told men I've dated in the past that I have E. They did a complete turn around in behavior. They started to treat me like I'm fragile. I don't want that. I'd like to have some kind of normalcy.
Comments
Re: Re: Question on dating with E.
Submitted by sharonmlee on Sun, 2006-10-08 - 18:52
Of coarse we all can say that we have been there and that we have experienced it. Back in 1983, I got turned down from nursing school because of epilepsy and I was devistated. So, yes it did destroy my self confidence and than I was scared to tell anyone. Than I got into Occupational Therapy school and my attitude changed. I let them know as soon as we talked about seeing each more. I felt that I wanted the guy to know because I did not want to waist my time or his if he could not handle it. I did get married at 33 and my husband has always been supportive.
So, I guess what I am saying is be open and honest. one feels like you loose a room when you open up and tell them. I often found that people are afraid of the word and they are not totally sure what it is about. I found that by educating the them on what it is and what it is caused by assisted them in being more comfortable with it. Most of the time, they had no clue of what it is they had just heard of it. I would explain that mine was determined to be caused by a concussion and they were very surprised.
As, a therapist I use my diagnosis a lot to comfort them and to reinforce them that yes, I am epileptic and I have a family and a career that I love very much. All the best!
Re: Question on dating with E.
Submitted by davyboy79 on Sun, 2006-10-08 - 20:52
Seizuregirl,
My wife has had Tonic Clonic and Absence Seizures since she was about 12. I met her through university when she was ~19, and for the best part had her seizures under medicated control. Before we dated, she had told me that she had Epilepsy, but didn't offer much more information. She has remained reasonably closed about her condition, even after 7 years of being together (and married), but that is in great part due to the independance she has had to show throughout her teanage years (for other reasons).
Of late she has started to have a couple of Tonic-Clonic seizures, something which I had never witnessed her have before. It was absolutely frightning. I was in the other room when I heard her moan, then a thud from the shower, and I rushed through.
I guess the point to the above is, had I not have known about her condition, and she had a seizure well in our early days, I would have freaked out, and probably would have done things very wrong whilst trying to "treat" her, instead of what I actually did knowing what was going on (after having a little panic attack myself!) which was to ensure safety first, then comfort her and ease her into bed when she came to.
At the end of the day, if they can't handle your epilepsy from day 1, what would happen months-years down the line if/when you have a seizure? Is that the sort of person you want supporting you for the rest of your life?
Good luck, as there are so many men out there who like me, are just kind and honest, and try not to treat you with fragility!
Re: Question on dating with E.
Submitted by rosegirl on Sun, 2006-10-08 - 02:27
Well they shouldn't be pressuring you into dating,marriage,etc. That's something you can think about on your own time. I've read the other comments and i think that it's great that others have found that special someone who will accept them for who they are and not treat them as fragile beings. I'm only 22 so I have a very limited outlook, I guess. I've only had 2 serious relationships, one where he already knew about my epilepsy and the second, he found out the hard way. Regardless, they both treated me like I was normal. They also accepted the fact that I couldn't drive and were fine with giving me rides, knew that I had meds to take and reminded me. I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that it's up to you and only you about when you want to tell whoever you are dating that you have E. It will be a tough one for me as well because I'm not sure how a guy would act if I told him. I think that's why I'm alone now. I won't open up to him. As corny as this is gonna sound, E doesn't own us, we own it. It is only part of who we are and if they can't understand that then tough luck, they just lost out on knowing a great person. Best wishes. :)