Question on dating with E.

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My cousins down here have been texting me on my cell phone telling me that I have passed another birthday and I should get a boyfriend now and get married. But, here's my question.....how do you trust a man to date when you have epilepsy? It's not so simple for me to just find a man down here in the Philippines and start dating. Maybe in romance novels it could work, but there's just so many issues for me to overcome. Besides that's a big responsibility on a man to take when he hears about E. I don't want to see the reaction like I have before when I told men I've dated in the past that I have E. They did a complete turn around in behavior. They started to treat me like I'm fragile. I don't want that. I'd like to have some kind of normalcy.

Comments

Re: Question on dating with E.

Submitted by jamespmnj on Fri, 2007-05-25 - 14:33

Both of you have valid pooints. But take epilepsy out of the picture for a moment and rephrase the question. "How do you trust someone to date when you have..." (and fill in your own blank). In this case, epilepsy. But since I'm a guy, I'll shorten it and ask myself, "When would I trust a woman?" Rephrase it for a guy, it may help. It is a responsibility for a person to take on when first learing about you, particularly on a first date. In my experience, I've waited a few dates until I get a vibe from the person, and the vibe is something that says "I can trust her". Your form of epliepsy does not make you who you are. I'm 37, and in every relationship, I was told each woman that I have epilepsy. They were cool with it. But here's the thing. I wanted them to see me for ME, and not the Medic Alert bracelet on my wrist. If people like and love you for who you are as a person, then they should accept you for who you are as a person. Epilepsy or not. You have more qualities to you that are important. Personality, hobbies, interests, desires. I did go on one date several years ago, and the woman asked about the Medic Alert bracelet on my wrist. We didn't even order dinner yet. I was upfront and told her that I have epilepsy. She said, and this stuck out in my mind, "I'm uncomfortable with that. I don't think I can date you". I said, "I respect that. We should end the date now" and that was the end of the date. I was upfront, she was uncomfortable and after hearing "I can't date you", I didn't feel it was necessary to continue. I'm 37, and I have been dating the same woman for several months. I met her thru an online dating site (eharmony). We spoke only thru the website and I never mentioned it. We met for our first date, and the connection that we established online continued when we met. I wanted her to know, and I told her about my seizure disorder the first night that we met. I discussed it, and she asked about it. That comforted me. She appreciates and sees me for the person I am, and not the Medic Alert bracelet on my wrist. She respects the E, has asked many questions about it, and has researced a my partial-complex seizures. One night she asked me, "If and when you do have a seizure, what shall I do?" That expression of concern meant the world to me, and I openly expressed what needed to be done. I even gave her some pamphlets on epilepsy and partial-complex seizures for her to read. She read them the next time I was at her place. Seizuregirl, I agree with GodivaGirl that honesty and communication are very helpful. You have to make the decision when you're comfortable enough to discuss your seizure disorder with a guy. Life isn't just what you make it. Life is what you want it to be. Good luck. I am confident that things will work out.

Both of you have valid pooints. But take epilepsy out of the picture for a moment and rephrase the question. "How do you trust someone to date when you have..." (and fill in your own blank). In this case, epilepsy. But since I'm a guy, I'll shorten it and ask myself, "When would I trust a woman?" Rephrase it for a guy, it may help. It is a responsibility for a person to take on when first learing about you, particularly on a first date. In my experience, I've waited a few dates until I get a vibe from the person, and the vibe is something that says "I can trust her". Your form of epliepsy does not make you who you are. I'm 37, and in every relationship, I was told each woman that I have epilepsy. They were cool with it. But here's the thing. I wanted them to see me for ME, and not the Medic Alert bracelet on my wrist. If people like and love you for who you are as a person, then they should accept you for who you are as a person. Epilepsy or not. You have more qualities to you that are important. Personality, hobbies, interests, desires. I did go on one date several years ago, and the woman asked about the Medic Alert bracelet on my wrist. We didn't even order dinner yet. I was upfront and told her that I have epilepsy. She said, and this stuck out in my mind, "I'm uncomfortable with that. I don't think I can date you". I said, "I respect that. We should end the date now" and that was the end of the date. I was upfront, she was uncomfortable and after hearing "I can't date you", I didn't feel it was necessary to continue. I'm 37, and I have been dating the same woman for several months. I met her thru an online dating site (eharmony). We spoke only thru the website and I never mentioned it. We met for our first date, and the connection that we established online continued when we met. I wanted her to know, and I told her about my seizure disorder the first night that we met. I discussed it, and she asked about it. That comforted me. She appreciates and sees me for the person I am, and not the Medic Alert bracelet on my wrist. She respects the E, has asked many questions about it, and has researced a my partial-complex seizures. One night she asked me, "If and when you do have a seizure, what shall I do?" That expression of concern meant the world to me, and I openly expressed what needed to be done. I even gave her some pamphlets on epilepsy and partial-complex seizures for her to read. She read them the next time I was at her place. Seizuregirl, I agree with GodivaGirl that honesty and communication are very helpful. You have to make the decision when you're comfortable enough to discuss your seizure disorder with a guy. Life isn't just what you make it. Life is what you want it to be. Good luck. I am confident that things will work out.

Both of you have valid pooints. But take epilepsy out of the picture for a moment and rephrase the question. "How do you trust someone to date when you have..." (and fill in your own blank). In this case, epilepsy. But since I'm a guy, I'll shorten it and ask myself, "When would I trust a woman?" Rephrase it for a guy, it may help. It is a responsibility for a person to take on when first learing about you, particularly on a first date. In my experience, I've waited a few dates until I get a vibe from the person, and the vibe is something that says "I can trust her". Your form of epliepsy does not make you who you are. I'm 37, and in every relationship, I was told each woman that I have epilepsy. They were cool with it. But here's the thing. I wanted them to see me for ME, and not the Medic Alert bracelet on my wrist. If people like and love you for who you are as a person, then they should accept you for who you are as a person. Epilepsy or not. You have more qualities to you that are important. Personality, hobbies, interests, desires. I did go on one date several years ago, and the woman asked about the Medic Alert bracelet on my wrist. We didn't even order dinner yet. I was upfront and told her that I have epilepsy. She said, and this stuck out in my mind, "I'm uncomfortable with that. I don't think I can date you". I said, "I respect that. We should end the date now" and that was the end of the date. I was upfront, she was uncomfortable and after hearing "I can't date you", I didn't feel it was necessary to continue. I'm 37, and I have been dating the same woman for several months. I met her thru an online dating site (eharmony). We spoke only thru the website and I never mentioned it. We met for our first date, and the connection that we established online continued when we met. I wanted her to know, and I told her about my seizure disorder the first night that we met. I discussed it, and she asked about it. That comforted me. She appreciates and sees me for the person I am, and not the Medic Alert bracelet on my wrist. She respects the E, has asked many questions about it, and has researced a my partial-complex seizures. One night she asked me, "If and when you do have a seizure, what shall I do?" That expression of concern meant the world to me, and I openly expressed what needed to be done. I even gave her some pamphlets on epilepsy and partial-complex seizures for her to read. She read them the next time I was at her place. Seizuregirl, I agree with GodivaGirl that honesty and communication are very helpful. You have to make the decision when you're comfortable enough to discuss your seizure disorder with a guy. Life isn't just what you make it. Life is what you want it to be. Good luck. I am confident that things will work out.

Re: Re: Question on dating with E.

Submitted by spaznurse on Fri, 2007-05-25 - 16:54

I was married for more than a quarter century before diagnosed with epilepsy so never encountered the relationship issues those of you who are young do. What a challenge. I have trouble imagining how hard it must be with teens and all the insecurities. I read a disturbing study and an alarming statistic showing how bigoted some still are about epilepsy(and to be fair, some are just too selfish and/or not emotionally equipped to handle such a challenge in a relationship) 50% surveyed would still not date nor did they want their sibling marrying someone with a seizure disorder. Sad. I would probably get to know someone a litle first, before trusing them enough to share my diagnoses, but after a few dates if i wanted to continue I would I would want to discuss it and get it out of the way b4 wasting any more time. If they are bigots, best to find out early right? Those of you very young and at the life stage of dating and finding a mate take heart. As you grow more mature it gets easier and you will understand you are special and if others don't get that THEY are the losers. If someone rejects you, forgetabout'em. They arent worth your energy. Hug all those who DO love you and draw them closer. Be well all out there! Spaznurse

Thank you spaznurse for

Submitted by happycat2 on Thu, 2007-05-31 - 02:18

Thank you spaznurse for sharing what you had to say on this topic. I found your comments interesting. You highlighted why bigotry sadly is still out there in the world? Because you cannot or ever will be able to discuss or get it out of the way. There still those in the world who are bigoted sad to say, who find talking a challenge and have no imagination at all. They are selfish, not emotionally equipped to deal with it. Their ears and eyes are shut. Especially when challenged â€” or facing one. Understanding is missing-at least for the reasons you gave for whatever reason, at whatever time. That is discussion and be willing too. Erin pointed out why... There is no generosity of spirit of anything that takes into account what you wrote off, and is willing to pay the price? That is the price they pay, and expect us to for their bigotry. They have not grasped what I grasped - as Erin did too very clearly about it so long ago. Understanding. At least understanding what matters to us... That is below... According to Orrin Devinsky, MD, "The feeling, for a lot of people, is that [epilepsy] does carry a lot worse stigma than a cancer, or an HIV even. At some level, it's society that needs to wake up and realize it's just another neurologic disorder.'' http://www.epilepsy.com/articles/ar_1172848192.html Hang in there. Stay positive and upbeat. It helps. Cat. "Many false prophets are gone out into the world." 1 John 4:1